Trust yourself. Trust your gut.
For most people this the most difficult part of making an impact on their lives. We are often very distrustful and cynical as adults which makes it difficult to trust others.
We often tell our children off for for trusting people too soon, we bang into their heads 'stranger danger' and wonder why they grow up to be bitter and angry. If you actually look at the statistics 'stranger danger' is clear.... there is virtually no danger. So, why do we frighten our children? They are actually more at risk to obesity and diabetes than they are from abduction and murder (by a long long way). Regardless of this we continue to impose our own fears and mistrust on to them and we justify this by stating it comes from love. The same can be said about other aspects of our lives - often we want to do the right thing, but it is often tough to let go and be vulnerable. We are all afraid of being let down one way or another.
Trust, or the lack of it, has much to do with what is wrong with the world today. Society as a whole is becoming more fragmented and we are losing touch with each other. The less contact we have with the 'outside' world the more likely it is that we will experience trust issues. If you suffer at the hands of one person then it is easy to see how you could fall into the trap of assuming everyone is untrustworthy.
Our brains will tell us very clearly, that avoiding people is the surest way to avoid danger. It is true, that if we allow other people into our lives we are exposing ourselves to risk.
So why risk it? It's simple really, a life without other people is not much of a life at all. Not only do we need others to help us achieve our dreams, we need other people to help us breath, live and develop. Not every experience will be a good one. Nobody can protect you from bad people, but a bad experience can lead to a more positive outcome and better relationships with the remaining people in your life.
Without trust we cease to be compassionate and we lose grip of what makes us human.
It is our vulnerability which makes us who we are. The reality is we need others but the process of handing ourselves over to their care can be terrifying.
Some people trust without giving it a second thought and are never unsettled when they are let down. Are they simply naive or in fact ultimate realists?
Trusting others can at times be uncomfortable, especially when the person we trust the least is yourself. If you have a problem trusting others, ask yourself why? Is it because you genuinely don't think that person should be trusted or is it because you couldn't trust yourself to do the thing you are asking of them and so why should you trust them with the same task?
You need to let go of your inhibitions and accept that we all need to trust in order to move forward. Just as you need to love yourself enough to tell the total truth about what you want and go for it, you need to trust yourself to get the job done. When you believe you can do it, you will and you will start to see how much others can do to help you and how much you can help them in return.
Your team is the best asset you have; when you are surrounded by the right people you will be amazed.
I am not suggesting that you start to trust everyone who crosses your path because not everyone is a good person. But what I am saying is that you need to find some balance. Most of us conduct our lives as if everyone we meet will end up doing us wrong, just waiting for the chance to ruin it all. The truth is bad people are few and far between. Most people want you to win and can be trusted. We have to let go of our fear without turning off our common sense. You also don't need to trust someone 100% to get along with them, but you do have to understand why you don't trust them and what drives your mistrust.
What I want you to think about is 'do you like the people you work with or do you trust them?'. Maybe a colleague has given you some bad feedback in the past, which you have not liked, but do you trust them? Remember, you don't have to like to trust. Respect and like are not the same thing at all.
I have a few friends that I trust 100%. I trust my colleagues 100%. I trust my parents and my brother 100%. Who do you trust?
In my opinion if you have at least 5 people you trust 100% you are doing well. Like I said, it doesn't need to be be 100% trust to be effective. Know the limitations of your trust and don't allow the person you are trusting to step outside of that zone until they have proven to you that they are worthy of more. But, be honest with yourself, always check your own answers for misplaced emotional baggage. You might be cutting yourself off from a terrific ally simply because he or she looks like the demon who abused you or sounds like your old school teacher who ridiculed you in public at every opportunity.... being in the 'room' with your trust issues is quite an enlightening experience.
Trust your team. Mastermind your success.
So, how do you judge people? Does what you believe affect how you behave?
What are the mechanisms we use to see if we trust people or not? Our parents (yes they are getting the blame again!) have an enormous effect on what we believe and how we perceive the world to be in relation to how we behave. They tell you all kinds of stupid things and even though logic tells you they are wrong you just can't help listening to their voices in your head. After all, who else can you trust if you can't trust your parents? The trouble is, just because you are a parent doesn't automatically qualify you to be a wise prophet - you're just another person trying to do your best.
In my opinion, trust is over complicated by years of cultivating our own personal set of paranoid standards and beliefs.
It is well evidenced that our thoughts, feelings and behaviour can support and obstruct our lives. But how do we know what we believe to be true is a fact? Most of us in our lives have a set of beliefs; some of those beliefs will not work for us today. The events and experiences we have gone through shape who we are but we have to stop allowing them to define us.
We have a choice, if we want to feel differently we have to change the way we think about it.
It isn't just how we react to an event, it is how we 'feel' about that event that will shape our outcome and determine how we move forward. Trust is a difficult problem, it is without doubt one of the most challenging emotional issues to deal with because of our past experiences.
Every event leaves a print on our brain, is added to our memory banks and helps us to create our belief structure. For example, a child goes to school and is asked to volunteer to add up a sum and write it on the board. The child gets it wrong and all the other children laugh. What do you think the child will say to himself next time there is a chance to volunteer? The same could be said about asking a member of the opposite sex out on a date or losing a client or being turned down for a job. All of these things are disturbing no doubt, but it is JUST an event.
What has this got to do with trust? Well, lets suppose we pluck up the courage to ask the girl out or go for that job interview and are turned down. We begin to mistrust our own judgement and our ability to think rationally about what is best for us. As soon as we begin to distrust ourselves, the rest of the world doesn't stand a chance. We all have doubts and it is natural to question our own behaviour - but we must have balance. We all need to remind ourselves that we can achieve anything so we continue to believe that we can take risks and win in the end.
It is literally true that you can succeed best and quickest by helping others to succeed - Napoleon Hill
The real issues of course behind these events are usually incredible ordinary and innocent - they only become more dramatic by how it makes us feel. For example, the real reason you may not have got the interview is because you lacked the qualifications or experience, not about you personally. The girl may have genuinely had other plans that evening and was hoping you'd call her back - meanwhile you have convinced yourself that you are 'not worthy'.
Things that happen around us are usually nothing to do with us. When you get knocked back you need to be honest with yourself about why and not allow your emotional response to rejection or hurt stop you from moving forward. You need to keep trusting your judgement and keep asking the difficult questions to ensure that you make and the get the impact you deserve in the future.
What I am suggesting is, look at what is really in front of you and not what is behind you. Be in the room and give the world a chance to support you.
What are your trust levels like at the moment?
In my opinion, 98% of the world conspires to support you. Put yourself in a position of trusting your colleagues. Picture this: you are standing on a 6ft ladder with your back to your colleagues and I ask you to fall back and they will catch you. Would you trust them? Or would you tense up? 2% of your colleagues might let you down, but if you trust that 98% of your colleagues are willing to support you - it might be worth trusting the process. Do not set up people to fail so that you can say, 'no wonder.... I was right to not to trust them'.
A lot of people set such high expectations of people, that often they get disappointed. However, if the expectations where a little lower they would achieve far more and have a much more successful life. I am not saying you should set yourself low expectations so that everyone lives up to your poor opinion of them. Instead, you should set realistic expectations without the interference of your irrational instinct to stay out of harm's way all of the time.
So, getting more impact in your life means allowing people into your world, opening up your vulnerability and empowering your circle of trusted friends and peers to help you achieve your dreams.
When we fly, we trust the pilot. When we turn on the electricity we must trust that it will work.
Sometimes we don't need all the answers, we just need to trust the process.