Anxiety is a part of everyday life. It is a normal emotional experience. Something that is different to anxiety which is a normal response to environment stressors are 'anxiety disorders'. An anxiety disorder is much more intense, lasts longer and may be specific to people, place or situation.
The goals in managing anxiety are to understand what your personal reaction to anxiety provoking situations are, identify what your related concerns are, and to learn to 'let go' of anxiety. You may need help from a coach or a therapist to learn the skills useful for managing and eliminating anxiety symptoms.
As with anything, if you want things to be different then you need to be willing to do things differently. It takes a commitment to change and consistency in following through in the use of strategies that you will develop to manage the distress. Some people experience anxiety in specific situations whereas others experience a certain level of anxiety all the time.
In identifying the possible issues related to anxiety you may have to pay better attention to the thoughts in your mind. People talk to themselves continually throughout the day. When you talk to yourself about the emotion or fear that you attach to it, you can have significant impact on the development and maintenance of anxiety. Increasing your awareness for what these self-talk statements are will allow you to begin to change and correct thinking that has contributed to your unmanageable anxiety.
It is recommended that you keep a journal. A journal is very useful for venting your feelings, clarifying what the problems is, and then problem solving the situation by taking the appropriate action. To problem solve the situations that you write about ask yourself if this is something you have control over. If the answer is yes then consider the options for dealing with it, and make a decision after considering the various consequences and outcomes. Be prepared to try an alternative if the first attempt does not work effectively. If it is something you do not have control over then 'let go'. Learning to accept what you cannot change will relieve anxiety. It takes time to learn how to let go, but the increased energy, freedom, and relief that you will experience will be worth it.
During the course of your journal writing, as you become more aware of the internal self talk, you may begin to become better aware of the relationship between your thoughts and feelings. Thoughts affect feelings, feelings affect action. When you choose to think more positively about a situation you will feel better. Likewise, when you worry excessively, expect the worst to happen, and when you are self-critical you can expect to feel bad.
Now that you know that beliefs affect emotion and behaviour you will want to pay more attention to you own patterns of behaviour.
1. Do you feel an intense need for approval from others? People pleasing behaviour means that you put the needs of others before your own needs. This leads to frustration and, over time, resentment. Frustration and resentment are intense feelings that can contribute to chronic anxiety and tension.
2. Do you have an intense need for control? Do you worry about how you appear, do you feel uncomfortable in letting other people be in charge of a situation? Do you believe that if you are not in control, that you are weak and a failure?
3. Do you tend to be perfectionistic and self-critical? Do you often feel that what you do is never enough or good enough? Do you often criticise your own efforts and feel constant pressure to achieve?
These patterns of beliefs and behaviours are irrational. If this is your approach to life expect to experience chronic stress, anxiety and low self esteem. Who could feel calm with this approach to life. Chance are that if you engage in any of these behaviours and beliefs you have a tendency to discount what you are experiencing physically. The mind and body function as one. When there is emotional distress you know it. Generally, there are physical symptoms as well, especially with chronic stress. Often when people ignore all of the ways that their body tries to tell them to slow down and take care of themselves the result is an escalation of symptoms. When this happens it is called a panic attack.
Symptoms include:
- anxiety
- palpitations, accelerated heart rate, or pounding heart
- chest pain or discomfort
- shaking or trembling
- muscle tension
- shortness of breath
- nausea of abdominal distress
- feeling dizzy or lightheaded
- numbness or tingling
- feelings of unreality
- feelings of being detached from oneself
- fear of losing control or going crazy
- chills or hot flashes
- feelings of impending doom/fear of dying
If you have not experienced a panic attack, you can recognise that by looking at the symptoms that is it a terrifying experience. Yet the person who has experienced a panic attack has likely been building up to it for a long time, ignoring their own high level of chronic emotional, psychological and physical distress.
What can you do?
Ineffective and dysfunctional approaches to relationships with others and with yourself need to be changed. To be the best that you can be in a relationship requires you be the best you can be as a individual.
1. Develop good boundaries. This means having a realistic view of other people's approval, and that you don't depend on it to feel worthy or accepted. It also means learning to deal with criticism in an objective manner. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. If they offer information that is beneficial to you then use it. If not, then let it go. If you have a tendency to put the importance of their needs above your own then recognise your codependency and take responsibility. This can be a big contributor to states of chronic anxiety and stress.
2. Develop realistic expectations and limitations. Change your belief that you worth is based upon what you accomplish and achieve. Focus on what is right. You can drive yourself to the point of exhaustion with self-criticism. Once you develop realistic goals you will have the time you need for personal necessities such as spending time doing things that you find pleasurable and being with people that you enjoy.
3. Recognise that not everything can be neat and predictable. Learning acceptance and patience will help you be more comfortable with the things that are not predictable. The next step is learning to trust that most problems eventually work out. One of two things will happen; either you will find a solution to the problem or you will see that it cannot be changed. If it cannot be changed then find a way to accept it or make a decision based on its influence in your life and do something else. Overall, things become clearer and coping is easier.
As discussed, people with chronic anxiety and stress tend to ignore their body's response to stress. This means that you have been ignoring the physical symptoms. If this is the case, you will keep pushing yourself without slowing down to take care of yourself creating a high level of stress.
In order to learn to manage stress requires that you be able to identify your own symptoms of stress. Once you have this awareness then you can do things to relive your stress and anxiety. You are responsible for your own physical and emotional health.
It is important to note that is it not uncommon for someone with anxiety to also be experiencing some level of depression.