Dialectical behaviour therapy, developed by the psychologist Marsha Linehan, describes three states of mind. Emotion mind is driven by how we feel. Reasonable mind is driven by facts and logic. Wise mind is where the two overlap: we know how we feel, we know the facts, and we can choose what to do.
Neither emotion nor logic is wrong. Problems come when one takes over completely.
01
Three states of mind
| What it is like | How it can sound | |
|---|---|---|
| Emotion mind | Feelings are in charge. Hot, urgent, hard to think past. | “I can’t stand this, I have to do something now.” |
| Reasonable mind | Facts and logic are in charge. Cool, detached, feelings pushed aside. | “It doesn’t matter how I feel. Just get on with it.” |
| Wise mind | Both are present. You know what you feel and what is true. | “I’m really upset, and I know what matters here. I’ll wait before I reply.” |
Wise mind often feels like a quiet sense of knowing, rather than a rush or a calculation. Most people recognise it once they look for it.
02
Finding wise mind
- PauseStop before acting. Take a slow breath out.
- Notice the emotionWhat am I feeling, and how strongly?
- Notice the factsWhat do I actually know? What am I assuming?
- Ask wise mindTaking both into account, what is the wise thing to do?
Try it on a decision you are facing.
| Emotion mind says | Reasonable mind says | Wise mind says |
|---|---|---|
Exercise
Reflect
Which mind do I tend to get stuck in, and when?
A time I acted from wise mind. What helped?