It is natural to assume that events cause our reactions: the message made me furious, the conversation made me anxious. The ABC model, developed by the psychologist Albert Ellis, suggests something more useful. Between the event and the reaction sits what we believe about it, and that is the part we can change.
A is the activating event, or adversity. B is your beliefs about it. C is the consequences: how you felt, what your body did and what you did next.
01
Step 1: work through the moment
| What I notice | |
|---|---|
| A: What happened? Be specific: when, where, who. | |
| Which part bothered me most? | |
| B: What was I telling myself about it? | |
| C: How did I feel? What did my body do? What did I do? |
02
Step 2: spot the rigid beliefs
Four kinds of belief tend to drive the strongest reactions. Which were in your B?
| Rigid belief | Sounds like | A more flexible version |
|---|---|---|
| Demands | “I must…”, “They have to…”, “It should not be like this.” | “I would much prefer it if… but it does not have to be that way.” |
| Awfulising | “This is awful, a disaster.” | “This is bad, but it is not the end of the world.” |
| Can’t-stand-it | “I can’t bear this.” | “This is hard, and I can tolerate it. I have handled hard things before.” |
| Self-condemnation | “Because of this, I am a failure.” | “This went wrong. It does not make me a failure. I am human.” |
Test the original belief:
- Is it true? Where is the evidence?
- Is it logical? Does it follow from what happened?
- Is it helpful? Is telling myself this getting me what I want?
- Given what I was telling myself, is it surprising I felt the way I did?
03
Step 3: build a new response
Exercise
A more flexible view
What would I prefer, rather than demand?
If I believed this, how might I feel and act differently?
One thing I will do tomorrow to put this into practice: