Sitting With Difficult Feelings: free worksheet

When a feeling is painful, the instinct is to get rid of it as fast as possible: distract, avoid, numb it, act on it. That brings relief in the moment, but it also teaches the mind that the feeling was unbearable, which makes the next one feel worse.

Feelings, even strong ones, rise, peak and fall, usually within minutes if we do not feed them. Learning to stay with a feeling long enough for it to pass is one of the most useful skills there is. In dialectical behaviour therapy it is called distress tolerance.

How do you usually escape?

When a feeling is hard to bear, how often do you…

0 = never, 1 = sometimes, 2 = often, 3 = almost always

Statement	0	1	2	3
Distract yourself with your phone or screens
Keep busy so you do not have to feel it
Use food, alcohol or something else to take the edge off
Avoid the situation or person that triggered it
Act on it straight away: say, send or do something
Go over it again and again in your head

None of these is wrong in itself. The question is whether they help over time, or keep the cycle going.

Ride the wave

StopDo not act yet. Freeze for a moment.
Step backTake a breath, or a step away from the situation.
ObserveWhere is the feeling in your body? What is it called? How strong, out of 10?
ProceedAsk what would help, rather than what would make it stop right now.

Ways to get through the peak:

Picture the feeling as a wave: it builds, peaks and passes. You only need to stay on it.
Breathe out slowly, longer than you breathe in.
Cold water on your face or wrists can calm the body quickly.
Set a timer for ten minutes and agree with yourself not to act until it goes off.

Exercise

Afterwards

How strong was the feeling at its peak, and ten minutes later?
What helped me get through it?

How do you usually escape?

Ride the wave

Afterwards

If you would rather not do it alone.